Still Confused...This is Not Cool
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Nothing
I've decided that I'm going to tell Trent how I feel tomorrow. Not outright, mind you, because I'm a coward. I'm writing a note...I don't care if it's stupid or immature or naive...whatever gets the job done. My heart feels like it's about to pop. I was going to give it to him after I dropped him off from orchestra, but then I remembered that I'm not going to orchestra because I have a Girl Scout meeting :P I really don't want to go. So instead, I'm giving him the note after school. So he should know what I've kept bottled up for about a year by approximately 3:30 tomorrow afternoon.

In the meantime, I still do not know what to do about Andy. I know he doesn't like me like that, and I want that to change...or at least I think I do. In one hour, I have almost completely forgotten any previous obsessions (Trevor, Mark, even Captain Adam), and have put my focus on Trent and Andy. And maybe this is stupid. Maybe this is the dumbest thing I've ever done. I don't know. And then there's this issue of Trent vs. Andy. Which one do I go with? I really like Andy. I like Andy a lot...but I love Trent. The choice may seem obvious, but what do you do when the one you love doesn't seem to love you back, and the one you like...well...you just can't be sure what will happen?

And then, when I tell Trent I love him, what am I supposed to say when he inevitably asks something along the lines of "Then what were you and Andy doing, if you 'love' me so much?" What am I supposed to tell him? I know what I want to say...I just don't know how to say it, or even if I want to...but seeing as I AM telling him that I love him, it shouldn't really be an issue...I could just not mention it at all, and burn that bridge if he comes to it. That seems like the best idea...

I love Trent, yes, but I want to go out with Andy really badly...he seems...gentler, sweeter...like...I'm not sure...I cant' explain it. Not that Trent isn't sweet when he wants to be, gentle when he wants to be...Trent is just different. And as much as I love Trent, as much as I never want to be without Trent as long as I live...I feel like I need to try something new...I feel like I need to be with Andy, if only for a little while.

Andy is going to read this eventually, I'm sure. I'll either show him this entry in particular, or end up sending the link to him to look at something else, but he always reads the rest of it so...yeah...
So Andy, if you're reading this, take what I've said into consideration...maybe we can try again?